This past week has been tiring and filled. I’ve realised that I need to consciously seek out my free time, my aspirations and my imaginations. I realise this in the background of feeling all over the place in the amorphous sphere of what is the professional and the personal. I also realise that personal desires and validation may not come from what is a moral value you place on something. I can place moral value in something that I do, but does it excite me? I’m not sure. Not always. This ofcourse comes from the great privilege of being able to do what excites me for work and life and get paid for it. ...

[17/04, 18:54] Adhavan: Sabi dream aur uska realisation ke madhya mein sarkar… Hmm [17/04, 18:57] Adhavan: Pyaar ko bhi… Maut ko bhi I finally got my bike, I wrote this to a dear friend a few days into waiting for the bike to pass layers of government. Registration, transport, realising how much of the bike was just taxes, RTO’s weird requests of ID cards: An aadhar and a ration card and many more anxieties…amidst and after all of this, I got my bike. I do not wish to write about the feeling of riding my bike around. It appears more reductive than speech to write, and less real than simply driving or sharing the ride with you, the reader and the future retrospector who might read the archives of my weeks. ...

தமிழ் புத்தாண்டு நல்வாழ்த்துக்கள்…ஜெய் பீம் Happy Ambedkar Jayanthi. Jai Bhim. Happy Tamil New Year. This week has been entirely spent on a dream that refuses to be realised. Howmuchever I attempt to make it real, the world acts like a parent wanting to teach me patience, hiding it away for a few days, then not giving it to me. I’ve spent many moments of this week thinking about ambition and the wish to be driven… to be both the driver and the driven. I remember the pleasure and happiness of finishing off my mother’s Aviyal - right after I returned having known weightloss from my NCC camp. I remember having known the feeling of passing 12th standard, without failing any subject - I’ve never felt liberation like that after. There have been other kinds of weightlessness - of sunset after a light day, or in the lap of a lover on a September evening. How are these related to being driven? I think you need hope to really be driven, and I think I’ve let myself lose simple hope and the promise of pleasure in the everyday. ...

These past 2 weeks have been a blur. I was in Chennai for the weekend, learning a lot about the city and being accused of not knowing enough about the city I grew up in, which triggered a lot of thoughts on my own feelings about my lived experiences in the city. I’ve also dreamed very less this week: of the everyday and of the faraway, for it looks like what drives enthusiasm in me by dreaming outside of the everyday. I wish no lower respect for the mundane. I think not less of the just-rained air in my lungs everyday in the summer. Nor do I want less of company and friendship everyday. But it seems I have made it a habit to not think of just the day ahead. I do not remember dreaming for the evenings while at breakfast. I do not remember salivating for a good dinner on a regular day. These dreams never emerge early enough for me to enjoy the shower, they always turn up at 9pm, when my stomach and mouth are ready to consume anything with some texture. I must cultivate this habit of dreaming for the day… for i fear being absolute and bland regret. What is a life where one cannot remember having dreamed nor having acted upon them… Ripe jackfruits have been falling on the yard at yelahanka nodal center. We’ve had the pleasure of spending our leisure in the company of red ants feeding on them. As an adult it is scary to take large financial decisions. Especially those which stem from large dreams. It is also much scarier when it is not a shared dream, with a person, a partner, parents, friends or a community. In tangent to what I talk early in March It was a fast week. Very fast, very insecure in its form, it did not want to be a week. The days passed on very fast, and it feels too early for March to have arrived. I spent much of this week thinking about friendships in my life: the difficulty of making new friends beyond social ease, taking care of the gel that previously bound you or realising that sometimes, I can let go. Conversations are difficult to continue, lifestyles change, and boundaries are discovered. I often thought and still, to some extent, think that friendships must be able to assert opinion, responsibility and some say/power in the lives within each other lives. This has been in conflict with my cultural-shock in bangalore. There are walls between frienships that i’ve learnt exist by choice. ...

I realise how far I am away from real things. Physical things. Things that give me joy. I never touch the road that carries my punctured cycle except when I fall. I never have to till the soil that gave me my soya chunks. I mostly never touch my wet waste. And I’m very far away from owning a piece of motor and two wheels that will accelerate me far away from the city on the weekends. ...

I’ve never read a novel quite like the Grapes of Wrath, it is set in Dust Bowl America, both the period and the geography. It describes and paints the market system we live in with such simple, gory detail, that it is haunting. It is a story I would rather not attempt to write about when it still occupies my mind so amorphously. For the time being, I quote from it: Men who can graft the trees and make the seed fertile and big can find no way to let the hungry people eat their produce. Men who have created new fruits in the world cannot create a system whereby their fruits may be eaten. And the failure hangs over the State like a great sorrow. ...

It was a fast week. Very fast, very insecure in its form, it did not want to be a week. The days passed on very fast, and it feels too early for March to have arrived. I spent much of this week thinking about friendships in my life: the difficulty of making new friends beyond social ease, taking care of the gel that previously bound you or realising that sometimes, I can let go. Conversations are difficult to continue, lifestyles change, and boundaries are discovered. I often thought and still, to some extent, think that friendships must be able to assert opinion, responsibility and some say/power in the lives within each other lives. This has been in conflict with my cultural-shock in bangalore. There are walls between frienships that i’ve learnt exist by choice. ...

A community network in Hara, Idur Kunjyadi, Kundapura Taluka. Beaches, crabs, maps blogging.

I was tagged by Thejesh on a series of questions that he had answered about blogging . His format of writing in very simple one liners is what had prompted me to take up weekly notes as well. I think the format is very freeing to document how I live my weeks’. I discovered his blog ring and the fact that I’m in the ring only after reading that post. I had just fixed the RSS feed on my site and had added his blog to my feed (Because giving up Twitter meant I no longer see recent updates from contextual folks (Indians, politics, tech and other happenings) and I do not open BlueSky as much as I used to open Twitter for it does have an Indian momentum yet. I had to see updates somewhere, and thus I set up my first RSS feed, and caught the tag by accident. ...

Avalahalli, Channapatna, Rangashankara, Plays